Divorce, deceit and the lasting impact on families
After visiting your website, I felt compelled to share my own story, one rooted in a painful family breakup that continues to resonate many years later. In hindsight, I can accept that relationships change and that divorce happens. What I still struggle to accept is the level of dishonesty, manipulation and lack of accountability that can surround the end of long-term marriages, particularly when the legal system enables it.
A Childhood Marked by Infidelity and Injustice
My parents divorced many years ago. As children, we were all aware that my father was having an affair with a woman twelve years younger than our mother. While that alone was deeply upsetting, it was the way the divorce unfolded that caused the most lasting damage.
My mother was 60 when she was forced to leave the family home so that finances could be divided. At the same time, my stepmother, a healthy 48-year-old nurse who played tennis regularly, was portrayed by their acting solicitor as unable to work. This claim played a significant role in my mother receiving substantially less maintenance.
As soon as the divorce was finalised, my stepmother returned to work in a local hospital and bought a brand new Vespa to commute. The unfairness and deceit were undeniable and remain difficult to process even now.
Financial Insecurity and Emotional Trauma After Divorce
My mother was left in an extremely vulnerable position. She was fortunate to inherit her own mother’s bungalow but had very little money to live on and could not afford essential repairs to the property. She lived with constant anxiety about money, a burden that shaped the rest of her life.
She never complained and never made a fuss, but life was hard for her until she died at 77. I loved my father deeply but still struggle to understand how he could treat the woman who had supported him for 30 years and raised three children with such disregard.
When the Legal System Rewards Dishonesty
I often ask myself how some lawyers live with encouraging and supporting this behaviour. What sort of message does it send to children when lying is rewarded, and the law appears to support it? Too often, money becomes the driving force, not fairness, compassion or long-term wellbeing.
No Fault Divorce and a Broken Family Court System
Through my work as a counsellor, I have seen this scenario repeated time and time again. The introduction of No Fault Divorce has not improved outcomes for many families. In reality, the family court system in the UK is deeply flawed, draining couples emotionally and financially while benefiting legal professionals.
At one of the most difficult times in a person’s life, particularly for women later in life, what is needed most is emotional support, stability and guidance, not prolonged legal conflict.
Supporting Women Through Separation and Divorce
This is why organisations like Birds Flyin are so important.
Supporting women after separation is not just about legal settlements. It is about helping them rebuild confidence, regain independence and feel safe during a deeply destabilising time. When vulnerable women are supported properly, they can heal, recover and begin to thrive again.
By offering understanding, advocacy and compassion, this kind of support can be truly life-changing, helping women not just survive divorce but learn to fly again.