“I just hope she will forgive him and take him back,’ will not wash with the modern bird

My mother-in-law expected me to act as if nothing had happened! The absurdity of continuing to meet for coffees and pretend. No concern whatsoever for mine or the children’s mental well-being. Everything was swept under the carpet, regardless of the damage her son was doing. Her explanation to her grandchildren and my parents was, “I just hope she will forgive him.”

upbringing or excuse?

They behave as they do because of their upbringing. I am sick of hearing that he had a midlife crisis—as if that explains everything.  The facts were constantly rewritten to justify the betrayal. In an emotionally healthy family, issues are dealt with. There is accountability, repair (apologies) and cooperation. In dysfunctional family systems, there are limited coping skills and limited communication skills.

ignoring the harm

The denial and insistence on not wanting to get involved left me and the children exposed, showing how family complicity can perpetuate abuse even after separation. I realise now that history was repeating itself. Infidelity, denial and smearing the names of those who dared to challenge them was the blueprint of his family. I never expected him to go as far as he did – now I’ve discovered 4 years in to our marriage!